I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This baby is an asshole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
