I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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