I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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