Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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