You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
