GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
