Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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