My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
