I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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