The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
third nipple confirmed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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