Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
