he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
