I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
