your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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