I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
