somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize