I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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