stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
