mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
