i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my phone needs a breathalizer
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
