did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize