And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
