Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
