The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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