puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
