lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
