but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize