so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
