The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
