She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
