On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
