so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
