the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That accounts for only three of the penises
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize