a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
