We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
