So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
