eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
