idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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