Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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