I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize