his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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