did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
