so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
