I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
