I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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