I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You took a bar mat shot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
