I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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