Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize