some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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