How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
