Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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