I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
