Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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