Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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