Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
