your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
