Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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