I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
