we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
