Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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