you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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