I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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