she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
vagina is talking i cant
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize