By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
