It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
