Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
