my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
