Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
