; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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