My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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