3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
