so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
