Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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