i'm lost and i look like a hooker
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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