I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
