there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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