If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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