We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
