I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
