you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
