I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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