I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
