How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
