I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
