Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
don't judge my taste in strippers
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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