Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if only i could text you this smell
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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