she woke up with a sticky ear
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
