Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cannot find my penis.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
