why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
