There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
