But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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