I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
