you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
