Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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