he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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