glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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