things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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