who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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